School officials are reeling after students chanted “U.S.A” while cheering the victory of their home team consisting a male Caucasians. “It was like I was back in 1950 Alabama,” sobbed Jose Jimenez through a translator.
The opposing team consisted of darker people who believed the lighter team demonstrated an utter lack of “white guilt” by demonstrating pride in their nation and failing to under perform so that the less talented team consisting of mostly racial minorities wouldn’t suffer any loss of self-esteem. “How could those white boys be so insensitive to Spanish-speaking kids waving the Mexican flag?” asked Greta Mossburg who teaches multicultural agendas at the local junior college.
Joan Espinoza of the ACLU reviewed video of the incident. “I must say that damn First Amendment gets in the way of a nice juicy law suit every time. We were hoping to have charges brought up, but hate crime legislation hasn’t been written to cover hurt feelings of poor performing minorities beaten at a sporting event. Nevertheless, there may be hope down the road.”
“Those white boys just didn’t live up to the stereotype we’re used to,” ranted Maria Flan Pastel. “They basically spat in the face of everyone who treasures equal outcomes and affirmative action. I wonder if Eric Holder will get the Justice Department to investigate. There has to be a civil rights violation somewhere.”
As expected, school officials prostrated themselves under pressure from minority pressure groups and vowed to enroll the offending students in white guilt classes. “It’s a dangerous thing when you have Caucasians excelling and asserting themselves in front of minorities. We’ll develop curriculum designed to take as much wind out of their sails as possible so a healthy mediocrity can exist,” gushed Eduardo Martinez, a bilingual curriculum coordinator for minorities who refuse to learn the English language.
Miguel Espinoza who labeled himself a proud Mexican gave a heart-felt summary of the events that sparked so much controversy. “Those fu*%ing gringos knocked the snot out of us. I’d like to see those as@ holes on the soccer field.”
A local school district is apologizing after an apparent incident of racism at a boys high school basketball game this past weekend.
When the final whistle blew Saturday, Alamo Heights celebrated a convincing victory over San Antonio Edison.
Alamo Heights Head Coach Andrew Brewer said he was proud of his team.